The Delusions of Pregnancy
There's a condition called "the mask of pregnancy" which is basically when your skin starts turning a bit more brown, and moles and freckles become more pronounced. I've already experienced this in my other pregnancies, and have a few darker spots on my face to show for it. The condition I'm currently experiencing that is less widely known is "delusions of pregnancy." Here are some of mine:
1. I can still lie on my back.
Not true anymore, my friends. It was like an overnight thing with this baby. Last week I was happily sleeping the night away on my back, and all of a sudden I can't stand to be in that position for more than sixty seconds.
2. I will be able to get more rest once the baby's born.
Hahahahahaha!! Now, since I am the parent of two children already, I know this one isn't true. I have a master plan for the first six weeks post-partum, and it involves me cocooning myself with the newborn, and having at least one other adult around to care for the other two, and for me when time permits, and for the new baby when I'm about to go crazy. For some reason, I believe that only having one to look after will be more restful than my current state of growing one plus caring for the other two. Today, as I was trying desperately to grab a bit of a snooze and Hugh was hanging around and driving cars on my body, I thought how nice it would be once the baby was here and I could have a good excuse (and back-up support) for the times when I just need to try and nap in my room.
3. All of this coffee I'm drinking is having no effect on the baby.
When I was pregnant with Neva, I was the model pregnant woman. I didn't touch alcohol, caffeine, non-pasteurized cheese, etc etc. I slept on my side right from the start. I did pre-natal yoga. I read all the books and got a doula and went to the childbirth classes. This time around, I'm reading the humour books instead of the informative ones (if having 2 already hasn't informed me, I'm probably beyond hope); I've been sleeping on my back; I've had the odd sip of alcohol (more than that before I knew I was even pregnant); and I'm finding that I need some sort of caffeine fix if I'm going to make it through my day, particularly if I'm at work. (Something about yawning while clients are telling their emotionally-wrought stories really puts a damper on the therapeutic relationship.) This time around, my philosophy is basically hey, whatever gets me through the day.
4. While shopping tomorrow for our Cuba trip, I will be able to find a bathing suit which is both stylish and flattering.
I think I'm a realistic optimist, but my gut reaction to this is ahahahahahahahahahaha! As IF! This is a hard enough challenge at the best of times, never mind at this weird in-between stage of pregnancy. I'm probably just hopped up on second-trimester hormones to believe that this is even remotely possible.
5. This third baby's pregnancy journal will be as complete as the other two.
Once again: hahahahahahaha! I sat down to write in it a wee bit today and realized how little I've actually done so far. In addition, my very favourite pregnancy journal has recently been re-edited and shortened quite a bit which is affecting my enthusiasm for writing in it. At first, I was pretty disappointed to see that it didn't include some of my favourite bits from the earlier edition, but realistically speaking, I'll do well to fill in even half of this shorter version, never mind the longer, earlier edition, so it's probably just as well.
To be honest, I'm enjoying all of these delusions, and the hormone high which is accompanying (or causing) them. I know well enough that about 3 or 4 days post-partum, an entirely different set of delusions will set in, and they will not be of the optimistic or enjoyable variety. There's nothing like pregnancy to teach a person how to live in, and enjoy, the moment.
1. I can still lie on my back.
Not true anymore, my friends. It was like an overnight thing with this baby. Last week I was happily sleeping the night away on my back, and all of a sudden I can't stand to be in that position for more than sixty seconds.
2. I will be able to get more rest once the baby's born.
Hahahahahaha!! Now, since I am the parent of two children already, I know this one isn't true. I have a master plan for the first six weeks post-partum, and it involves me cocooning myself with the newborn, and having at least one other adult around to care for the other two, and for me when time permits, and for the new baby when I'm about to go crazy. For some reason, I believe that only having one to look after will be more restful than my current state of growing one plus caring for the other two. Today, as I was trying desperately to grab a bit of a snooze and Hugh was hanging around and driving cars on my body, I thought how nice it would be once the baby was here and I could have a good excuse (and back-up support) for the times when I just need to try and nap in my room.
3. All of this coffee I'm drinking is having no effect on the baby.
When I was pregnant with Neva, I was the model pregnant woman. I didn't touch alcohol, caffeine, non-pasteurized cheese, etc etc. I slept on my side right from the start. I did pre-natal yoga. I read all the books and got a doula and went to the childbirth classes. This time around, I'm reading the humour books instead of the informative ones (if having 2 already hasn't informed me, I'm probably beyond hope); I've been sleeping on my back; I've had the odd sip of alcohol (more than that before I knew I was even pregnant); and I'm finding that I need some sort of caffeine fix if I'm going to make it through my day, particularly if I'm at work. (Something about yawning while clients are telling their emotionally-wrought stories really puts a damper on the therapeutic relationship.) This time around, my philosophy is basically hey, whatever gets me through the day.
4. While shopping tomorrow for our Cuba trip, I will be able to find a bathing suit which is both stylish and flattering.
I think I'm a realistic optimist, but my gut reaction to this is ahahahahahahahahahaha! As IF! This is a hard enough challenge at the best of times, never mind at this weird in-between stage of pregnancy. I'm probably just hopped up on second-trimester hormones to believe that this is even remotely possible.
5. This third baby's pregnancy journal will be as complete as the other two.
Once again: hahahahahahaha! I sat down to write in it a wee bit today and realized how little I've actually done so far. In addition, my very favourite pregnancy journal has recently been re-edited and shortened quite a bit which is affecting my enthusiasm for writing in it. At first, I was pretty disappointed to see that it didn't include some of my favourite bits from the earlier edition, but realistically speaking, I'll do well to fill in even half of this shorter version, never mind the longer, earlier edition, so it's probably just as well.
To be honest, I'm enjoying all of these delusions, and the hormone high which is accompanying (or causing) them. I know well enough that about 3 or 4 days post-partum, an entirely different set of delusions will set in, and they will not be of the optimistic or enjoyable variety. There's nothing like pregnancy to teach a person how to live in, and enjoy, the moment.
| posted at 3:12 PM |
